Gone Missing? Nah.

I thought I’d found the perfect hobby two years ago when I started, it was free. Right, free, I thought yesterday, as I paid two blogging bills. This redesign/move/move thing with the website has been one royal pain in the ass. Yesterday, mid-day, I gave up as I prepared the kidlings for a week long visit to DisneyWorld with their other family. I found a designer who will just “fix it now.” Well, not exactly now, but maybe in a week or so, once she gets my check. I’m just glad I’m not a starving 21-year-old with only a can of beer, a box of Saltines, and some dog food in the house and 10 days until payday as I was at one point in my life—I can hire her to save my life. Anyway, I can be found at both www.hahnathome.com (unfinished site) or http://hahnathome.wordpress.com/ . You can update your bookmarks with the normal site address if you would like.

Thanks to Paul at Jestertunes who did try to help, along with several other folks. What they didn’t understand is that they would say things like, “You should just be able to…” and “Just type in your…” First of all, yes, I should, but have you met me? And second of all unless you tell me exactly what to type and exactly where to type it, I’m lost. Have you seen a CSS stylesheet? Paul was shooting me instructions and it wasn’t working. Turns out I was missing a file. Who knew?

Okay, it’s not all bad. WordPress is very pretty. I love the open-source idea. But, jeez, you have to be a rocket scientist to figure that stuff out. I bought the book and guess what? They actually want you to READ the entire thing.

At least I have my content there. My blogroll is updated. I put in my Cast of Characters.

One thing that was a lot of fun was to read through my archives as I was doing all of this. It’s pretty wild how it started out one way and ended up another. Several of my family members don’t read it anymore – too startling. Me. My life. Startling. Colleagues who used to read diligently, not so much anymore. They probably get enough of me in the real world without having to know even my decidedly edited thoughts.

When I looked through my blogroll I counted how lucky I am. I’ve met some great people here online. Some of them have even found each other in a bigger way. I’ve met some and talk to some on the phone. Then, I got to thinking, what hobby gives one so much pleasure for only $.75 a day? Can’t think of one other.

My World, And Welcome To It

Saturday, I went to check my Technorati account and found this:

Now, I know my traffic has slowly increased over the last year, but last check, I was ranked in the 134,000 range—more than well behind other minor blogs like Dooce and Huffingtonpost.  I imagined, when I saw this incredible overnight feat, that somehow, word of my lackluster dating career of late had spread like so many California campfires gone awry and I reached the #1 spot in the entire Universe because throughout said Universe, Lesbians everywhere were calling their friends and, saying, “Join up—start a blog—link to Lori—and then FILL OUT HER DATING APPLICATION–and they did!  Alas, it was but a glitch in Technorati’s system and I had neither the #1 ranking in the Universe nor any dating applications.

My world and welcome to it. 

What I don’t get is when they say, “You’re so nice, why can’t I ever meet someone like you?” as she walks out the door and waves goodbye. ~ Uncle Doreen

Oscar Goldman: We Have The Technology

I’d been resisting, because I’m a rebel that way, but I finally set up a MySpace profile.  I did it primarily so I could communicate with the kids.  They don’t write, they don’t call.  Getting a note from them, even via MySpace, is just like talking to them on the phone when they are away.  For example, the latest message was full of news, information, and pithy observations:  “Yo, wassup?” 

 

They’ve created the most incredible pages.  All flashy, and teenager-ey, and blasting some wild hip-hop music when you open the page.  They are masters of the new age of technology and thankfully, I have them in my life to continue to guide me.

It took me about two months to figure out how to view my own profile, for God’s sake.  Then, I figured out how to do a few things minor things.  I was finally able to attach some music that doesn’t auto-play.  Unlike the kids, who have 900 friends and pages upon pages of comments, I’m relatively friendless and comment-less.  I can so totally live with that.  Anything else might absolutely smoke my already overstressed brain.

Then, I got my first invite to Facebook.  Great, yet another mountain to climb.  I’ve managed to insert my photo, email and website, but that’s about it.  

Thankfully, there are only 5 people on my list total.  I have no “tough decisions” to make about selecting the Top 5.  What’s up with that Top 5 Friends thing?  I’ve been reading about how people get really pissed off if they fall off someone’s Top 5 or don’t’ get a reciprocal Top 5 listing!  Isn’t that kind of like the cliques we experienced in grade school? 

I’m quite sure that next year on CSI, the plot line will be typically believable and about the nerdish loner who fell off the prom queen’s Top 5.  He thought:  “She likes those clowns better than me, this will teach her,”   taking his revenge by sending her a computer virus that causes the computer to explode, killing her instantly. He realizes later, during the course of the complicated investigation, that the prom queen’s little sister had hacked into her account and removed her Top 5, replacing them with notable circus clowns.  She knew her sister was secretly in love with the nerd, but so was she.  The nerd, feeling really bad, confesses to Grissom after a rough interrogation in which no actual detectives are involved.  Grissom smiles elusively, recalling his younger days.  Fade to commercial.

We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.

~ Dr. Carl Sagan

Revenge Of The Anti-Nerd

Monday:  Put in remote Helpdesk ticket to image computer to Corporate network.  Computer needed Wednesday.   Gee, ain’t I smart planning ahead so well?   Imaging job should take two hours.  Imaging unsuccessful—repeatedly—over eight solid hours.  I am unable to do much of anything else as I have to keep rebooting the machine and hitting F8 key. 

Tuesday:  IT swears they have it fixed.  Run scripts.  Nada.  Zilch.  Zip.  Unsuccessful for six more hours.  Finally, script runs and is nearly finished when boss accidentally turns off power to computer, apologizes, and heads out the door leaving me standing slack-jawed, ready to cry.  Finally give up after 12-hour day and demands of starving teens at home.

Wednesday:  Lowly IT pawns hand problem over to Great and Powerful IT Geek Wizard of company.  Six more unsuccessful hours and new employee still without computer later, app runs.  Computer is imaged.  Geek Wizard says WE should have planned better.  What?  I should plan for your magical scripts to fail and for it to take three days of my time to do what you could have done in two hours?  Pleeeease.  So, I made a call to my friend Guido in Chicago—if you hear anything about corporate servers being riddled with bullet holes, I had nothing to do with it, okay?

Apply this methodology to every single other problem I encountered this week, and that would sum up my week so far.  Being the tiny minnow in a big pond is not quite as good as being the healthy, but not too fatty trout in the little pond, I’m thinking.

Notorious B.E.N. arrives tomorrow night so la familia will be complete for three great days.  I’m digging these guys big lately.  This blogging thing the boys are doing and the writing Em is doing is showing me that they have developed some critical thinking skills (who knew?), are funny as hell, and maybe, just maybe will be able to manage on their own in a few short years, despite all dire predictions.  However, I’m sure they will still constantly run out of clean socks. 

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
~ Unknown

See, One Of Those Days

What a week so far, but good times ahead my friends, good times!  Not going to focus on the craziness but wanted to share one little story.  

We won’t go into why I had to drive several miles behind a UPS truck, stalking the driver like Marlin Perkins stalked the wild cougar, which he then promptly shoved his faithful sidekick Jim in front of, nor why my car horn got a workout after sitting behind a woman on a cell phone who seemed quite unaware of the fact she was behind the wheel of a vehicle that’s main purpose was to actually locomote, but wasn’t, and not just be a place to keep her ample giant SUV-driving ass warm while she dialed the phone and chatted away as she remained the only thing between me and my UPS prey.  I wonder if the UPS guy noticed I’d been tailing him throughout much of Natomas for quite some time—and perhaps if he had, it would account for his reaction when I finally pulled up behind him at a drop box in some obscure location for what must have been his last pickup.  He refused to get out of his truck until I dropped my package and was safely back in the car, strapped in, ready to roll away.  Then, he eyed me suspiciously until I was out of sight.

And, my new computer arrived, or so I thought.  I checked the label – yep, Lori Hahn.  I dragged the 84-lb behemoth home, wondering just why the heck it was so heavy, was ready to rip it open and roll naked in the double safety shipping wrap (yeah, I’m getting increasingly and scarily tech geeky), when I spied the little subheading saying it was not my precious XPS410, but my office server, ordered approximately the same day.  Sigh.  Maybe tomorrow.  Now, I just have to get the bastard back up to the office.

Which brings me to the other little item I didn’t read closely enough—my instructions for Chantix.  Seems I was not to empty my cigarette stash as I had.  I was to continue smoking for another week as I let the Chantix build up in my system.  Phew.  I was really jonesing this morning, so it gave me an excuse to buy cigarettes—on doctor’s orders no less—that has to be the sweetest excuse ever!

The believing we do something when we do nothing is the first illusion of tobacco.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Woe Is Us, The Computer Generation

I’ve been accused of spending a lot of time on my computer. Well, accused would be a strong word. Reminded, observed, noted, repeatedly, perhaps. In the 25 years since I bought my first computer (an Atari 800 with a word processing program and a dot-matrix printer), technology has come so far. It’s both simplified and complicated my life. How wide our world was made by the World Wide Web.

 

I spend hours per month ensuring my computer remains safe from viruses and spy programs. I am forced to update software continually. As annoying as this is, if my computer is down, I am lost. I don’t think this bodes well for the future of mankind if even 25% of Americans feel the same way.

I’m literate in both Mac and Windows. I even took a Unix class, just because I have a feeling open source is going to be where we all end up and I am really afraid of being left out of the technology loop.

 

I can find out just about anything I could ever want to know by making a few keystrokes. I check the weather, shop, travel, use an online calendar (to aid my ever-forgetful brain), check news sources, find people, research things that pop into my head randomly, and just basically try to keep up with the world around me. I’ve officially gotten old, because I had no idea who many of the actors/actresses attending the Oscars were this year—so I Googled them to check out their pictures and to find out why Jessica Alba is important (she’s not, I’ve learned).

 

My mom, who lives in a remote area in NE Iowa (nearest paved road, 6 miles; nearest grocery store, 25 miles), has dial-up. When she first got the computer, it was like the heavens opened up to a new world. She no longer had to drive 70 miles to go to a major retailer—she can order it online. She is endlessly curious and is able to get the answer to most anything she needs to know. She has put her entire cookbook collection on CD so we all can benefit from her years of culinary learning. And, she has found a passion for genealogy research. It’s connected her with far-flung and distant relatives who compare notes and stories to add to the family lexicon.

 

The kids do their homework on the computer. They use Microsoft Student to organize themselves, research, and verify their data. They have their own websites that are far more sophisticated than mine. Joe has an online Guild with a website on which he plays a children’s fantasy game. His distantly located stepbrother and his twin sister communicate with him via this space as they all play the game together. When the chores don’t get done, removing the computer is how the axe falls.

 

But, what if it all ended? What if we could not communicate by e-mail anymore? Would we pick up the phone more often, or would we narrow the scope of our endeavors? Would we find ourselves at the library that is operating on a limited budget with fewer hours to research a topic? Would we make more of an effort to meet people in our own space/time in favor of chat rooms, interest groups, mail lists, and online dating services?

 

What worries me is that we are shutting down the part of our brain that experiences life—you know, the big, wide, beautiful world outside the confines of our office space where people could actually shake hands or hug instead of sending little icons ; ) to express their feelings. I no longer know the name of my librarian or have a travel agent. I rarely go to the mall. I trust the travel website is providing me an accurate picture of the hotel I booked when I do venture out.

 

I love to connect with people, but because of the crazy pace of life I live, this is the best alternative for me. I’m looking out my window right now and imagine I would much rather be out there, sitting under the sprawling old tree in the backyard, having a picnic with someone I’d like to get to know better. Instead, I’m here, working.

Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant.
~ Mitchell Kapor

Houston, We Have A Technical Issue

My server was down for most of the weekend. That means I could not post. Well, that and the fact I just stared at the page blankly for the 10 or so times I sat down to write over the weekend. The good news is I finally figured out how to make my DVD player play after two long weeks. It turns out they have this thing called directions that come with most appliances. I read and followed them; it was amazing.

This just in. My fellow blogger www.redhogdiary.com, passed on this little tidbit. Just kind of cool:

On Wednesday of next week, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00
in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.

That won’t ever happen again.

And, in the Small Ironies I Like Category, H&R Block’s stock fell and earnings were restated due to the incorrect filing of its own tax returns.