Friday Funk

Thanks to everyone who took time out to write to me regarding my post “Shades of Grey.” I had no idea it was going to resonate with people in such a personal way. Sorry I haven’t posted in a few days. It’s been a busy,eventful week. And, I’ve had a couple of major disappointments that left me in a slight state of despair. Not the, “I’m going to open the window to my office and jump,” kind of despair, but more of the “Jeez, doesn’t this shit ever get any easier?” kind of way. Neither of which I feel like discussing. So there. But, in the spirit of what has tended to be either an Ask the Middle Age Lesbian or a quizzerific day, I found this over at Life As We Know It. I’m not quite sure I get this whole LOLCat thing, but this one did make me laugh. I draw the line at doing the quiz though, but you can here: Which LOLCat are you?

And, in the spirit of distracting me from my own troubles, don’t forget, you can send in tales of your own confusion or concerns to Ask the Middle Age Lesbian at lori at hahnathome dot com. She’s standing by, ready to give you a piece of what remains of her mind.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Rippin’ from Pat at Against the Grain:

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view.A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

What City Am I?

I’ve lived a lot of places – on both coasts, in the middle, up north, and down south. Lived in Germany for seven years all told, plus two more as a baby. Well, some might say Texas doesn’t count as south, but look down, is that south or north? I’m just sayin’. I lived in West Texas and in San Antonio. Bought my first house in San Antonio in my early 20s. House payment was $500 a month and the interest rates were hovering in the 11% range. Remember it primarily for the scorpions in the house and the rattlers in the back yard. And, for it being the stupidest years of my life. And, for a time, the poorest.

There is the constant push-pull of my desire for city life versus something less city-like. My dream is to live at the ocean’s edge and pray the tsunami will pass me by. But, I get rankled in my increasingly curmudgeonly way over how little to do there is here in Sacramento for the middle-aged woman who doesn’t go to bars and would rather rent a DVD than go to the movies. We’re big enough to have incredibly high crime, but not get the steady flow of fabulous artists and entertainers showing up at our venues, nor for our regional theatres to really pop. Most small venue shows start at 10 pm, long after I’ve faded for the night. We have no MoMa equivalent, but do have a tired, old regional art museum where you get whiplash trying to view part of their collection in this one giant room with 30 foot ceilings and art stacked up all the way up. They’re trying to fix that, but, not so far.

I don’t drink coffee. Coffee shops are out. There are few affordable restaurants that will meet my decidedly European-influenced palate. They are seldom in my budget. I’m not a shopper, so I don’t shop for fun.

I’m annoyed by the throngs of people, yet, I constantly find ways to connect with them. I like having a five minute drive to the grocery, Hollywood Video, and only a few more for the other conveniences in my life. I long for quiet nights with skies full of brightly shining stars undiffused by the city lights.

On the plus side, I love to poke around historic places and this area is rife with them. I’ve hardly made a dent. One of the things about having the kids in California schools is they all studied California in 5^th grade, so I got to learn about it too. I have this informal goal of seeing all the Spanish Catholic missions built in the early days of White settlers and have knocked through a few.

I’m not into the mountains or the cold and snow. I don’t ski. Nor do I really want to, though Magical Sam just about has me talked into trying cross country skiing.

I love to ride horses as long as they’re good for barrel racing, which was one of the most fun things I’ve ever tried.

So, what City would I be exactly? Hmmm?

You Are Austin

A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll. You’re totally weird and very proud of it. Artistic and freaky, you still seem to fit in… in your own strange way.Famous Austin residents: Lance Armstrong, Sandra Bullock, Andy Roddick

What American City Are You?

What Kind of Lover, You Ask, Well, I’ll Tell You

Well, it’s date night and I’m headed out for a play called Underneath the Lintel.  Heard it’s great.  I cooked tonight - yeah, yeah, don’t laugh.  She didn’t gag though, so that’s a good sign, right?

So, while I was lighting the candles and dimming the lights and putting on the musica romantica, I wondered what kind of lover I am.  Fortunately, I already knew, because I took the test earlier today.  Phew.

Your Score: The Devoted Lover

72% partner focus, 38% aggressiveness, 35% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to be traditional rather than daring or out-of-the-ordinary, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Devoted Lover.

The Devoted Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and is perhaps the best Lover Style when it comes to developing a long-term, caring and rewarding relationship. The Devoted Lover is a treasure to find, though it is sometimes difficult to time establishing a relationship with one just right; usually, this is the last romantic relationship you’ll need to find, so sow any wild oats first.

In terms of physical love, the Devoted Lover can be shy at first but gradually warms and eventually can be a thrilling partner who knows every need of his/her partner. Given a strong and loving relationship, and the right lover, the Devoted Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Suave Lover (most of all) or the Classic Lover, or the Carnal Lover.

Thanks Again! — THE LOVER STYLE PROFILE TEST

Brief Note

 

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. Can I just say how much I’m looking forward to my office holiday party tomorrow? If you know me at all, you know just how much. Thankfully, Magical Samantha is taking a train up to lend her moral support. I’m headed to bed—thank you random quiz maker for allowing me a couple of nights off:

 

Which Author’s Fiction are You?

Flannery O’Connor wrote your book. Not much escapes your notice.
Take this quiz!

Grace changes us and change is painful. ~ Flannery O’Connor

Books

This is me writing while I’m at a party.

One book that changed your life: Going Down With Janis, by Peggy Caserta (w. Dan Knapp). Read about my startling 1974 discovery here. The opening paragraph read, “I was stark naked, stoned out of my mind on heroin, and the girl lying between my legs giving me head was Janis Joplin.” Something about it just spoke to me.

One book you’ve read more than once: The Ugly American, by William J. Lederer and Eugene Burdick (cold war fiction writers). It takes a really harsh look at US policy in a fictional Southeast Asian country in the 60s. The term “Ugly American,” has come to mean an American traveling abroad who acts poorly, but in the book, the Ugly American is physically ugly by the standards of the Sarkanese—but honorable and moral. I reread it recently because I found it easy to equate this story with the one going down in the Middle East right now in which we’ve seemed to embroil ourselves.

One book you’d want on a desert island: The Complete Works of William Shakespeare. I’ve had a lot of trouble reading Shakespeare. I much prefer to have someone perform it for me. If I took this book, maybe I could cross it off my list. Or else use it as kindling.

One book that made you laugh: I Feel Bad About My Neck: And Other Thoughts on Being a Woman, by Nora Ephron. Gay or straight, women are still women. I so relate to her misadventures in aging. I couldn’t stop laughing. One of the funniest things was picturing a table full of women, all of an age, and they all notice that all of them have scarves around their necks. I’ve seen it, it’s true! When the last of my skin elasticity goes, I’m going au natural, baby.

One book that made you cry: Old Yeller, by Fred Gipson and The Yearling, by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings. Sorry, ya’ just can’t be killin’ off the animals, I can’t take it. No Disney movies for me either. Cried like a blubberin’ baby when Mufasa died in Lion King.

One book you wish had been written: How to Be True to Yourself and Fuck the Rest of the World If They Don’t Like It. This would have had to have been written no later than 1978 and been available at my local library—that was so not going to happen, so considering that, it all worked out okay without the damned book, it just took longer.

One book you wish had never been written: Love Story, by Erich Segal. Puuuuullllllleeeeeezzze. Gag. Oh, and The Chosen, by Chiam Potok. The major reason to hate 8^th grade literature class.

One book you’re currently reading: Self-Made Man: One Woman’s Journey into Manhood and Back Again, by Norah Vincent. Gender identity is fascinating to me generally. I won’t toss in any spoilers, but it’s a riveting read if you’re interested in what it would be like to live as a man in a man’s world. Vincent is a lesbian, and the journey has unexpected consequences. For me, it’s been a fascinating education in what societal pressures there are for my sons as future men on this planet.

One book you’ve been meaning to read: Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance, by Barack Obama. Especially after the recent article I read about his Obama and his relationship with his father from the perspective of those who know Obama. I’m digging the guy on a personal level right now pretty huge.

One book you’d like to write: How to Add 36 Hours to Every Day, by Lori Hahn.

Of Gods & Dykes

What a lovely weekend. I had time with my buddy Uncle Doreen, time with the dogs, time with the kids, and time with the girl. Today, Magical Samantha made me breakfast of wholewheat pancakes with strawberries, two poached eggs (my favorite), and a chicken and apples sausage (no nitrites).

I got to play hero, though, because I was called upon to summon all my butchly strength to open the maple syrup bottle. I did so, feeling very God-like. In my own mind. Then, I started wondering what kind of God I’d be. Would I be a benevolent god or a vengeful god? I had to find out.

You can just start callin’ me Omnipotent One. Heh.

Your Score: Amun

Indeed, you are 79% erudite, 87% sensual, 50% martial, and 37% saturnine.

Amun was a mysterious God indeed. His very name basically means “what is hidden”, “what is not seen”, “what cannot be seen”, and though even his form was said to be “unknown,” he was depicted as a man with the head of a uraeus (cobra), or a man seated on a throne and holding in one hand the sceptre, and in the other the ankh.

All secrets aside, what we do know is that Amun was the Egyptian King of the Gods, not unlike his counterparts Zeus (Greek mythology) and Odin (Norse mythology). With his ruling might over the Gods, Amun soon became associated with the Pharaohs.

Being responsible for the creation of the world, it is not surprising that he was also the God of fertility, reproduction, and sexual power, and thus also the God of agriculture. With the combined powers of regeneration and royalty, Amun became linked to the sun and the great God Ra, becoming known as Amun-Ra, which pretty much consolidated his status as Supreme God.

In spite of Amun’s political ascension, he also enjoyed popularity among the common people of Egypt, who came to call him the vizier of the poor, the protector of the weak, and an upholder of justice.

The Mythological God Test

I Want To Be A Superhero

Let’s knock Heather at Wishful Writer into the Top 3 spot at BlogInterviewer - come on, we can do it - use your super powers (at work and home) - see which super powers you can call upon below!

 

You are Superman

Superman   100% Spider-Man   80% Supergirl   60% Robin   60% Hulk   60% Green Lantern   60% Iron Man   60% The Flash   55% Catwoman   55% Wonder Woman   45% Batman   30%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Catch-22?

Last year, the burglar sucked it all out of me. Almost to the day, it’s been one year since someone tried to strip me of my possessions and my dignity in a very personal way. It would be months until resolution and the issuance of a restraining order that gave me a sense of security once more. Oh, that and a move far, far away. Last Thanksgiving found me alone with a can of Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup and soppy old movies on Lifetime while the kids visited their other family.

Last Christmas, I felt as though I had no home at all and didn’t decorate for the holidays. This was always a huge thing at my house, yet I had no heart for it. I felt a lot like Viktor Yushchenko after his poisoning…he knew something was up, but he didn’t know how he’d come to be poisoned, how deadly the dioxin was, and what exactly had been done to him–much less the far-reaching impact the poisoning would have on his life.

After confabbing with the children, we decided to go for it this year. I had to buy a tree again, which really wasn’t in the budget, but I did today. It’s nice. Thursday, we’ll be joining Melly and Dave for our Thanksgiving dinner. I’m grateful for my friends. Friday, we’ll be decorating our new home. Christmas Carols will be played. Hot cider will be made. We will tell stories about the tree ornaments as they come out of the box—each one has a history. I will wrap presents. I’ve already done a good chunk of my shopping, which is quite amazing to me and tells me that I am truly back to typical (I can’t use “normal” because Em says that just doesn’t suit our house nor the people in it) after two years of transition. Magical Samantha will be helping us—I’m absolutely thrilled that she wants to participate in the “other” part of my life, here in my home, where my center is located.

And, in my spare time, I will reread this book.

You’re Catch-22!
by Joseph Heller
Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You could coin a phrase that replaces the word “paradox” for millions of people.
Take the Book Quiz at the Blue Pyramid.

Clearly This Blogging Thing Is An Obsession

Apparently, just because I’m running on 4 hours of sleep doesn’t mean I’m not going to post, even when I’ve given myself permission to skip a day.

All that hard work in college, for naught. Okay, I’m just wondering what elementary school kids are talking about lesbian, left-leaning, mom-of-teens stuff. maybe I should submit my posts to the Weekly Reader for publication?